When the Time Comes

To my son Joshua for when you are fifteen…

Dear son,

I have no idea now where you can be nor will be. I do not know what kind of life you are now living. This has not been my choice. It has never been. All I know is that I did my best as a father. I’ve tried all that I can be for you. I’ve tried to reach the stars and give them to you, yet, limitations of reality bounds me to strive only for the material so that I Can provide you well. I hope that I have at least accomplished even a small fraction of my dream of what I wanted and want to give you.

From the day that I first saw you, bloody, fragile and very, very beautiful, I cried my heart out. There flowed tears of complete happiness. Then there were tears of terror as to what I Can offer my son. I feared that I’ll never be worthy of a blessing such as you. ‘Til now the nurses in LBDH remembers me as the father who cried and cried when he saw his son. I take pride in that. Anak, kahit magpahid lang ng tae mo masaya ako noon. Ako ang unang nakagawa noon. Nagpalit ng unang diapers at lampin. Kumarga at maghele. Mahal kita anak. Kahit hindi mo namatatandaan yun, nakatanim sa puso ko ang kaligayahan na di na maalis o maakin ng iba.