blood on my hands: passages from Books from the Book of Letters

ily

of REVELATION

when has it been that i have last held a sword?
so long ago was it that remembering reveals nothing?
yet, now, in my right hand a double edged dagger
cuts through my right hand's flesh and marrow as the hilt had been honed

to where grip hold proves sharper than the blade

of JUDGES and of WISDOM

an intentionally placed cut trough wrist would have been unwise
a slow death wherein pain is felt more from the realization of inevitable death
as the horror of owned blood
watched
drip, trickle
flow
not in a cup
but into the harsh
shining light

the blinding light a kin to the tingling in the ear
of a crystal bell's mock
of a thousand distant churches call

of JUDGES and the APOCALYPSE

as i had lightning-plunged straight to the soft core of the heart

my bones
pushed hard
ravaging breast-plated breast plate
of this enemy soldier's chest
the soldier's heart having been armored
in my own king's vest
from my own King's bosom
this soldier's heart
that my right hand
murdered

i had twisted the dagger
but not to bring pain
not to bring pain
never to
deliberately

but to avoid pain
to stop pain
pain
pain
and

pain

alas, pain always unceremoniously accompanies all stabs to the heart
of pain instantaneously recognized along with the sudden last whimper of the heart
as the last hissings of the rib crushed lungs escape his lips

the LAMENTATIONS

Silently after, I mourned for his passing
while through the cavernous maw the throat released a guttural cry
for my own brought damnation with this new earned blood debt
would for this blood my King collect
as he collected this blood as a loss

of the LAMENTATIONS and of SONGS

now, i await the thundering crash that would drown out
the beating drum battle cry from my bared breast.
the thunder, the crash of a single blood to fall from my King's eye
if that droplet be a silent mourn for a considered loss.

He was weeping for which blood
to be kept
spilt
and shed?

He had already been weeping
before this soldier
i sentenced
with death


ll3: an excerpt from the book of letters